Toldos

I had the opportunity to Farbreng with Bochurim of a local Yeshiva on Rosh Chodesh Kislev, and one of the issues that naturally came up was the question of how Bochurim can have a real Hiskashrus to the Rebbe, and how they can even feel any sort of relationship, when they have no real memories of the pre-Gimmel-Tammuz era...

Others at the farbrengen made the usual points of being connected to th Rebbe through studying his teachings, doing what the Rebbe wants, etc.

I chose to answer the question a little differently, based on the ideas discussed in this Article:

Sometimes, it may be better to have some questions than to have all the answers. They push you to struggle to find solutions, to feel uncomfortbale with the way things are, to not be satisified...

I would go so far as to say that the connection and bond a present-day Bochur can create and forge with the Rebbe is a much stronger one, one that runs much deeper, than one that can be had by many of those who did live and experience the Rebbe pre-'94.

When a Bochur sits in a zal, and stares at the picture of the Rebbe hanging on the wall, and tries to figure out what that means to him - why it should even mean anything to him - and how he can feel a connection to that man...

Or if a Bochur having problems in whatever area of his life, and he's in that room, glaring angrily at that picture, thinking "Rebbe, this is YOUR problem, this is YOUR fault, how could you allow this? This is YOUR mess, YOU clean it up!" The connection, the bond, the deep relationship that exists between these two that have NEVER EVEN MET - is one that runs so deep and so intimate, the conection created at that instant is one of such powerful strength that no actual real-life experiences could compare to...

(I know I should probably have sat down to write this whole intro-thing properly (and half-decently) instead of just writing and posting it like this - I hope the ideas are still somewhat clear and I apologize for not spending more time on it...)

No Title Yet, But that’s Ok…

Ever read your horoscope? Ever follow what it says? Ever base your life on it? Ever sell your child on E-bay©®™ because of it? No? Why not?

Perhaps you yourself were sold on E-bay©®™ as a child.
Or perhaps you’re one of those conceited individuals that are simply too stubborn or too proud to take advice from someone else. Or perhaps you just simply believe that your fate – despite the penetrating astrological insights of others – isn’t determined by the workings of the zodiac but by the consequences of your actions; that YOU control your destiny. AKA free-choice.

But even if, for whatever reason, that happens to be the case, doesn’t it sometimes seem that there are some things that are just out of your hands? Certain things which seem to have been determined for you, without so much as a telegram consultation? What exactly happened to your choice?

Case in point:
You may be familiar with the story of great-uncle Esau. Apparently, he wasn’t the greatest guy. To say the least. In fact, we’re told that even since BEFORE day-one he had a strong natural predisposition for all things “idol”: kicking and screaming during every trip past their houses of worship. So can you really blame him? Didn’t seem like he had much choice in the matter…

And if you think about it for a minute, you’ll probably discover the same to be the case with you in your life.

Now I’m not saying that you have a thing for idol-worship or spend your waking hours dancing around a two-foot statue of Kermit-the-Frog, singing the alphabet song. But perhaps you’ll find that there are certain things in your life – certain inborn traits and dispositions that are kind of just … there. You happen to have blue-hair, blond-eyes and a propensity for taking candy from strangers…
Or any other natural tendencies you possess that often drag you places you probably shouldn’t go; or those innate characteristics that aren’t necessarily the most conducive towards getting things done - and not just your abnormally pathetic inability to solve Sudoku puzzles, but the really important things you need to accomplish in your life.

“Free-choice”, huh?

But then a bunch of Rabbis came along and cleared things up a little (while managing to make everything a lot more complicated):

Esau was never meant to be a bad guy. He just got a little distracted. True, he was born with strong evil inclinations, but his mission in life was precisely to take those negative traits and wrestle them to the ground; to suppress those negative urges and to live his life properly IN SPITE of those impulses.

Our lives aren’t always going to be simple. The question is how we will choose to conduct ourselves when the going gets tough.
To struggle is to live; to grapple in the mud and wrestle your enemies to the ground is (aside from being a nationally-televised event) a truly invigorating experience; one that breathes new life and spirit into our mundane, lifeless beings, and strengthens and fortifies our character. And when we learn to discipline ourselves through the suppression of our negative traits and characteristics, we empower ourselves with a new intensity and strengthened resolve in our ongoing battle for inner dominance.

Hurray! Sounds wonderful!
Yes, but … wouldn’t everything just be so much better if we simply didn’t HAVE to deal with all this to begin with?

I struggle to wake up; I struggle to bring myself to do what I have to do; I struggle to keep myself from doing what I shouldn’t; I struggle to continue the struggle, and I struggle to figure out why I even care about the struggle. (A word you’re probably sick of after struggling through this paragraph. I apologize.)

Wouldn’t things be so much simpler if we didn’t have these internal enemies to battle in the first place?
So how do we just get rid of these problems once and for all?

And the big answer to the great question is … you don’t.

Disappointing, isn’t it?

So yet more Rabbis came along and put it this way:

There’s no need for any solution. Because there’s no real problem to begin with.

Apparently, our reluctance to unreservedly accept the uglier side of our selves stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of just what our mission and purpose in life truly is.

Our self-worth doesn’t have to be evaluated in terms of inner perfection – perhaps our purpose is precisely to be found in the ongoing battle we wage within ourselves, every day of our lives.

We can’t necessarily change who we are; but we don’t have to. An integral part of our mission and our calling in life is precisely to wage this particular battle, and to subdue and suppress the urges and inclinations that threaten to throw us off track.
And each and every time we manage to refuse those impulses, and reject those unattractive traits which wrongly assert their influence on our lives, we allow the soul that lies beneath to break through and shine with all its brilliance.

As the Zohar puts it: “When the ‘other side’ is subdued here below, the glory of the Holy-One, Blessed-be-He rises above all … and this ascent is greater than all else.”

Which basically means:
Every time we deny an urge, resist a temptation, brush off a negative impulse and don’t allow ourselves to fall prey to the entrapments of the uglier sides of our personalities, we manage to shatter and break down the barriers that conceal our true nature and the nature of the world around us, and banish the darkness and negativity that threaten to prevent our true selves from rising to the surface.

Each and every situation is an opportunity to prove and reveal ourselves at that moment – to uncover the beauty and strength of our soul and reveal the inherent G-dliness that exists within us and within our world.

So is it fair? Not really.
Is it bad? On the contrary – it’s a chance and an opportunity that should be celebrated and cherished.
Lots of very nice things can be picked up off the ground, but only through the toil of chiseling away deep into dirt and stone will you discover and unveil the most precious gems.

Sometimes it’s better to have problems than to have all the solutions. They propel us to dig deeper and push farther; and we’ll never be satisfied until we fully, truly get there, because our situation is simply one that doesn’t allow us to. And that itself is the beauty of it all.

And in those moments of clarity -- at the times when everything momentarily falls away and it all becomes crystal clear, we will find ourselves possessing something more powerful than we could ever have obtained otherwise: a strength infused with the incredible might and intensity of that light which defiantly struggled and broke through the darkness and obscurity.
This newfound energy will forever serve to provide us with the spirit and resilience to continue on the never-ending journey of self-improvement, and continually give us the incredible strength and vitality to triumph, every step of the way.

As for the whole E-bay©®™ thing – don’t worry, you’ll get over it.
Unless you don’t. Then maybe you won’t. But try to enjoy life anyway.

Happy Shabbat.

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